I recently showed my daughter a quote card about liars. It said something to the effect of “People don’t lie to you because they think the truth will hurt you. They lie because they think the truth will inspire you to do something that doesn’t serve their interest.”
I told her to remember that. Everyone should.
Although abuse is a complicated concept, it almost always conjures an assumption of couplehood. Yes, intimate partner relationships are one space where abuse can occur, physical and emotional.
But abuse isn’t exclusive to romantic situations. I once experienced it at work, as a co-worker attempted to gaslight me and encourage me to undermine established processes and protocols for her benefit. She used her seniority, she preyed on my character, and she leveraged a physical space (in a parking garage) to isolate me from anyone who could overhear the conversation.
It was wildly uncomfortable, but since I had been actively unwinding my psyche from years of manipulation at the hands of my ex, her tactics were instantly recognizable to me. Had she tried the same thing a few years earlier, maybe not.
This week, the nation got a glimpse of how much lies cost, in dollars. According to a Texas judge, almost $50 million.
I’m referring to Alex Jones, a man who has built an empire on peddling malicious untruths as fact. He knew what he was saying over the airwaves, for years, about Sandy Hook shooting victims was not true. He knew it. He admitted it.
But, he still worked every day to convince his audience otherwise. Because the truth didn’t serve his interest. And when that verdict came down, ordering him to pay millions of dollars to the parents who lost children in the massacre, he went to his manipulated audience and asked for more money. How could he think they’d still be there?
Because he put them there, in a state of irrational belief. And he put them there on purpose. Mindf*ckery, like I said earlier, is always about control. Always.
It’s not a lapse in memory. It’s not an innocent mistake. It’s not a misunderstanding. Every move is part of a mindf*cker’s chess match, sometimes defensive and sometimes proactive. Building an exterior that they know will at some point take some hits, but because they’ve gained control over time, others will happily repair the damage for them.
And that’s the game.
The exact same thing happens every day inside homes across the country. It happens in offices across all industries. It happens among teens trying to navigate their social hierarchies. And it happens in politics — most recently and most specifically presidential politics involving one former president.
He intentionally gaslighted a willing base of supporters. And he still does to this day. He intentionally discredited rational, time-tested checks and balances, isolating supporters to his lone megaphone of untruths. And the evidence of his misdeeds is mindblowing.
But, because they’ve been mindf*cked, his supporters are still there, doing his bidding. Cleaning up his mess. Defending his actions. Offering support. Looking the other way. Denying their own good character to repair his mangled one.
This is what a survivor does. It’s what they’ve been trained to do. And they’ll do it until they wake up to the mindf*ckery they’ve endured by someone who only ever wanted control.
How valuable is your loyalty? How costly are the lies you believe? In real life, it may be hard to put a dollar amount on it, but one judge has determined that for one couple their torture was worth almost $50 million. To some, it costs them their lives. To others, the price tag is our democracy.
That’s how dangerous mindf*ckery is.